


Bookshop Owner is Not a Class

by merriman



Category: Black Books
Genre: Bookshop Owner Behaving Badly, Games, Gen, RPG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9052024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merriman/pseuds/merriman
Summary: Manny would very much like to play D&D.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anemptymargin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/gifts).



Manny was wearing a cloak. Of course, it wasn't the first time he'd worn a cloak in the store, it was just the first time he'd worn it and Bernard hadn't immediately tried to set it on fire. He'd also cleared all the books off the table in the middle of the shop, filing them away on shelves and in boxes while telling Bernard the whole time that really, they could do so much more with their display space.

Bernard had been ignoring him. It had been exhausting. It took a lot of work and effort to ignore Manny so completely while also keeping a catalogue of all the horrible things Manny did and said. Really, Bernard needed a nap after such a difficult morning.

But there was no nap to be had. No. Instead, after closing the shop for the evening, Manny had pulled out a pile of his own personal books, covered the table with a piece of gigantic graphing paper, and sat both Bernard and Fran down to play a game. Games, ah, yes. Games were fun, Bernard supposed.

"Welcome!" Manny said, sweeping his arms out dramatically. Fran looked around the shop for a sign that there was anyone else present, but no, it was only the three of them. Bernard just glared at Manny, who seemed unfazed.

"Today we begin our journey into the land of Leth-Arac!"

"Where's that?" Fran asked.

"On the continent of Frejide!" Manny continued.

"And where's that?" Fran asked again.

Manny sighed. "It's made up, Fran," he explained. "Remember, this is all pretend?"

"Right," Fran said. "I just thought maybe I was too drunk and had forgotten my geography for a moment."

"No. It's fine," Manny assured her. "Now, let's introduce ourselves."

"We know each other already, regrettably," Bernard muttered.

Manny sat up a little straighter. "I meant, our characters," he told Bernard. "I will be your Dungeon Master. Which means I will play all the villains and extra characters you meet on your quests through Leth-Arac. Fran?"

Fran looked down at the sheet of paper in front of her, then up at Manny and Bernard.

"Well, I'm an Elf Assassin named Hila. I'm very beautiful and very deadly and you shouldn't cross me because I'll slit your throat." Fran recited all this happily, smiling at both of her friends. Bernard tried to be surprised that Fran had a bloodthirsty streak and failed. He'd already known that. 

"And Bernard?" Manny asked, turning to him. 

Bernard didn't bother looking down at his character sheet. He hadn't written anything on it, after all.

"I'm a bookshop owner," he said flatly before taking a gulp of his wine. 

"No, Bernard, what's your character?" Manny asked.

"Book. Shop. Owner," Bernard repeated. "I own a bookshop. Therefore I am a bookshop owner." 

Manny frowned at him in consternation. "No no, you're supposed to make up a character for the world of Leth-Arac," he explained.

"And I have. He owns a bookshop," Bernard said. He took another sip of wine. "Are you saying they have no bookshops in Leth-Arac? Are they uncultured swine?"

"No, no, of course they have bookshops. They're a very cultured people! They have a rich history, which I've written out! I gave you the whole packet!" Manny insisted.

"Fine," Bernard told him. "Then I own a bookshop."

Manny rallied, swishing his cloak a little around himself. "And what are you? Elf? Dwarf? The Dwarves of Leth-Arac are the knowledge keepers…"

"Human," Bernard said, cutting him off. "Human bookshop owner."

"Do you have a class?" Manny asked, a tinge of desperation in his voice.

"Of course I have class. I'm the classiest bugger you'll ever meet," Bernard told him.

"And what will you do on our quests?" Manny demanded. "Throw books at the goblins of Tira-Arac?"

"Of course not," Bernard said. "It'd break the bindings. I'll be at home, minding my shop. You two have fun." And with that, he got up, took the wine bottle and his glass, and went back to his desk for a nap. Ahh, games. Games were so much fun.

**Author's Note:**

> With your request for Critical Role, I thought perhaps you might like to see the Black Books crew playing D&D. Except, well, Bernard didn't want to.


End file.
